FR: Making out, Missing out and the escalation Epiphany

So it is Monday night and I am actually staying home tonight even though I am free tomorrow – chode I know but I got the upcoming 5-10 days to go out with my good friends from high school, good thing it is tradition in Germany to go out with friends at night during the holidays, at least where I am from. So I am recuperating from the weekend building up energy for the weeks ahead and decided to write a field report about Friday and Saturday.

Went out with HowBoutNo both Friday and Saturday, and were joined by F. the first night and Holland for the second one.

Venues:

Friday: We went to Werck which is a restaurant, lounge bar, club and meat market on Fridays and Saturdays for 20-35 year olds. If you’re in Amsterdam you should check it out it is great!

Saturday: We checked various venues, most bars on Rembrandplein were surprisingly dead, so we went to Leidseplein, first to a student bar called Gieter, then took a three set from the street to two other bars which were quiet. Gieter is a loud student bar with lots of frat boys and sorority chicks, absolutely, I mean abso-fucking-lutely not my kind of place.

The Interactions:

On Friday I first opened a cute blond girl who was walking back to her friends, I successfully stopped her but cannot remember what I specifically said but I do remember that I grabbed her arm. Had her hooked quickly and the conversation went smooth from there, lots of touching, clawing but no make-out, it was still very early so after 25 minutes I sent her back to her friends so that they wouldn’t get scared about losing her, didn’t want to close her cause she wasn’t that great.

Then I winged HowBoutNo who was talking to a blond girl who came with her girlfriend, who wasn’t really pretty but a cool person to hang out with so I actually enjoyed “engaging the obstacle” for him, as they (used to) say in pickup 1.0.

Went upstairs and opened a group of girls who were all double fisting draft beers, hahaha, what an invitation to open with “hey you are a bunch of alcoholics!” and we were in, everything went well except for the fact that they had to go sooner that later as they were on a pub crawl. First of all it turned out that there were more girls and they were only holding their beers, now we had something like an 8 set for the three of us. I made quick convo with a few of them but naturally started focusing on one, again lots of clawing and touching but the rest of the group decided to leave quickly and my girl went with them, I am furious cause I was about to close when they left – note to self: do it faster next time!

A minute later I see a two set in the left angle of my eye and decide to put my fury to work… I open talk random stuff and immediately get physical, I bite both girls and kiss them on the neck but only one of them bites me back. At some point the girls put their heads together and probably decide who gets to make out with me cause one of the leaves afterwards. I kept talking to and kinoing the other one, at some point during push-pull dancing I do a spin and in, touch her face and neck and pull her in for the make-out, she resists! So I could have run and hide in the corner but kept push-pull dancing with her for a minute and then I did exactly the same move as before and we started making out. Could have taken her home but didn’t want to for a reason:

Normally I only approach girls I really adore and if they hook. I usually lay them on a day 2 or 3. Now I want to learn how to escalate faster and therefore have to take a step back a few months where I approached more sets to practice my approaching skills, I stopped doing that cause I stopped liking most of the girls I approached after one minute of conversation and didn’t feel physically attracted either. The girl I made out with I approached in fury, fury to brake the plateau and learn which is a process I kicked off on Friday, it will take my game to the next level and then I can go back to being selective again, one step back, two forward….

Before we arrived at the Gieter we checked out a few other boring bars and HowBoutNo opened one nice set of blondes on the street. Cute at first but the alpha girl became annoying and quite a turn off with her weirdness so we left them after ten minutes. In the Gieter I completely choked, half heartedly opened one set, did not get blown out but did not generate any interest…neither did I have any fun there. The other guys opened a couple of sets, HowBoutNo had one really good approach when he went up to who I considered the most beautiful girl in the bar but he left her after ten minutes and then we finally left the place, finally! While I am glad to be out of there and we’re walking down the street I see a three set of hotties and before I can think I have already opened them, we took them to a couple of bars and I was doing well with one of them who was very close to one of the two blueprint girls I have in mind. Couldn’t close her though, tried a few times but she pulled out, at some point she showed me a ring on her finger, looking kind of like and engagement ring. She wasn’t engaged but the ring symbolized the serious relationship she is in, well bad luck.

Lessons learned:

I can escalate fast and well, I just need to do it a bit more often to internalize the belief better
I progress more when I go out with other people who I like AND who are into gaming

Goals:

Escalation, lots of it!

Goals for 2009

When December comes most people start thinking about which habits they have to kick and what other changes to make to their lives. I have never really done that and always thought that changes will happen when they are due, which has worked well for me in the past. Lately I have been reflecting on my past strategy and came to the conclusion that there are at least two different types of change:

1. The ones you can plan and implement strictly through being persistent
2. The ones you cannot plan, the changes that need to come naturally, in one of the moments of situational relevance.

For example people who are thinking about ending a relationship should have probably already done so as such a decision falls into the second category but going to the gym more often or eating better can definitely be planned and falls into the first category. In fact some good efforts deteriorate due to a lack of planning or not being conscious of the effort or its need anymore Therefore, for the first time, I am articulating my 2009 resolutions of the first category here, so that I won’t forget about them and live up to the expectations I have towards myself!

Here are my resolutions for the first category and the list is still work in progress:

Nutrition

Eat less fast food, less meat (especially red meat) and eat more fish and vegetables instead (immediately)
Coca Cola an other sugary soda is only allowed on hangover days (immediately)
Hangover days should occur less frequently…not through drinking practice but through drinking less frequently (immediately)
Consume less coffee at work (immediately)

Lifestyle

Exercise at least three times a week (immediately)
Read at least 50 pages in good books every week (immediately)
No more tv zapping to kill boredom (immediately)
Waste less money on magazines etc (immediately)
Save a minimum amount (tbd) of money every month (immediately)
Pick up a team sport (football, american football or tennis) again (by March/April)
Write more, at least twice a week; this concerns my blog, forums and maybe more… (immediately)

Pickup and Self-Improvement

Focus on becoming the best person I can possibly be in all relevant areas of my life – become THE Satisfaction (continued effort)
Redirect part of my information focus from pickup to self improvement for a more holistic approach to improvement (immediately)
Improve my game but don’t get lost in the game (continued effort)
Articulate sticking points and take a boot camp to overcome them (by the end of August)
Enjoy the ride, have fun in the field and be open to new concepts (continued but effortless)

Professional

Become the consulting rock-star again that I used to be in April (by mid-year review in May)
Go up or leave for a better firm (Decision due latest in May)
Start my own business on the side (by the end of June)
Keep my mind and eyes open for out of the box alternatives to my consulting job – I like my job but there might be more for me in this world (continued effort)

As stated above, this list is still work in progress, I might add a thing here and there before I come with a final timeline to implement the above.

Satisfaction